The clock strikes midnight and whilst everyone else is celebrating and cheering on the New Year, you are stood there in disbelief that yet another year has passed since your loved one died. As January rolls around, everyone greets you with a ‘Happy New Year’, yet the last thing you might feel is happiness.
This is not an uncommon reality for a person who is grieving. A constant reminder of the moments and memories their person has missed and are yet to miss.
Sometimes, the New Year may bring with it the idea that your grief should have reached an end point or that the change in calendar year means a change in your connection with the person who died. Both of these are not true.
Saying goodbye to the year behind you, does not mean saying goodbye to your person. You choose what you let go of and what you would like to bring into the New Year. This might include hobbies or rituals that you did together or starting something new in their memory. Whilst your person may no longer be physically here, the love you hold for them and the memories you share are always accessible to you if you choose to keep them.
Furthermore, there is no end date for your grief. So whilst you may be writing 2022 on your notebook, this holds no scale or timeframe against how long you are allowed to grieve for. Grief is personal and it’s an ever-changing relationship that you will encounter throughout life. Whether it’s been a month or it’s been ten years, a new date does not dictate where you should be in your grief.
Here are a few things that help me as I enter each new calendar year alongside my grief which I’d like to share with you. Before I do, please remember that your grief is individual to you and it’s important you find what makes YOU feel good – even if it’s not the same as everyone else.
NEW YEAR + GRIEF SELF-SUPPORT:
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Eliminate the pressure of saying YES to attending events or celebrating the run up or day itself. You get to choose how you spend that time, and whether that’s going to bed at 10pm after eating a tub of B&J’s or in a nightclub with friends, it’s your choice and whatever you choose is the right thing.
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Write down what you’d like to leave behind. It’s okay if you don’t want to continue all of the rituals that you used to have.
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Write down what you’d like to continue into the New Year. These should make you feel good and connected to your person.
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Write down anything new that you would like start in the New Year which you believe will keep you feeling connected or create a legacy for your person.
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Start a grief journal. Using prompts, write down memories that you have of your person. This can act as a beautiful keepsake to look back on. Sometimes, we may think we can’t remember certain things about our person but when prompted or if we see something through our day, we might be reminded.
Whether you choose to try any of the above or not, most importantly, I want you to remember and know that with each passing minute, day, or year… that the love you had with that person defies time. Always has and always will.
All my love,
KPW xo
